Category Archives: Nostalgia

Places I thought I would never revisit: Vana’diel

I don’t know what possessed me this last weeekend to do the unfathomable: re-install FFXI. Yes – that Final Fantasy, the first cross-platform MMORPG that ever was and cradle of my online gaming journey. When I left the game in 2004, I knew I was not to return. WoW was around the corner and I had spent entirely too many painful nights grinding the same mob together with random Japanese players who would only ever invite you back if you stayed for several hours of EXP grind. There was no soloing after level 16, death penalties were harsh and the acquisition of the most basic things, such as your class skills or a zone map, even harsher. FFXI liked to torture new players and frankly humiliate them too. The early gameplay was the opposite of motivating.

Over the years however, I heard much about how the game had become more beginner and casual friendly. A lot of expansion content was added and QoL changes happened, supposedly. New players kept giving the game a go long after it was new which always piqued my curiosity. Did SE really manage to make gameplay more tolerable? There is after all greatness to be found in FFXI: the graphics at the time were top, the scale and feel of the world, the small places, the cities, the soundtrack. They could be worth a second chance. Only one way to find out, I guess.

The 2024 FFXI experience thus far

This is not going to be an early gameplay review because frankly, after finally managing to log into Vana’diel after several hours, I required a week’s break to recover from the shock of the whole process. I had forgotten FFXI’s old adage: the first boss fight in FFXI is the account creation. And much to my chagrin the old Playonline launcher is alive and well.

Account management has never been this company’s forte but I am still surprised they didn’t bother to update the launcher situation for FFXI, when FFXIV is doing pretty okay in this regard. Instantly I was faced with an array of problems that were only tolerable thanks to my previous knowledge and already existing Square Enix account. Just to give you an idea of the hoops you’ll have to jump through before ever getting close to in_game:

Create or have a Square Enix account (thankfully I could skip this!)
Inside the account, create a FFXI service account with extra Playonline password
Choose a subscription, realize you have to separately choose ‘Options’ which means the amount of player characters (you pay for each alt)
Install the Playonline launcher (I used Steam) and launch in admin mode
Meet the update boss; wait for several hours for the game to patch
Meet the DirectX 8.1. boss; go and learn about how to enable legacy options in Windows (thanks Reddit!)
Meet the Playonline launcher boss; navigate through several tiny menus which require different handles and passwords
Realize ENTER is not a thing, figure out the bird cursor and whatever ‘O’ and ‘X’ mean on keyboard (there’s also something that looks like a sprinkle donut)
From the Playonline launcher connect to the FFXI launcher? I don’t know what to call this step
Accept a bunch of terms & conditions, from there enter the actual FFXI start menu
Realize there’s still no settings to let you adjust the horrendous pixelated resolution and tiny window
Google how to change resolution, learn where the config file is in the root folder of the game
Realize everything crashed while you were googling because the game won’t allow Alt-tab outside windowed mode (adjust this too in the config file)
Return to step 4. Start hating the repetitive Playonline jingle that plays incessantly
Finally arrive back at the FFXI start menu, endure several more progress bars and accept some terms & conditions, again
Create a character, learn hairstyles are still bound to faces and there’s still hardly any customization options
Name ugly character, log in
Listen to a 10 minute intro for your starter city (no, there is no skip)
Stare blankly at the UI and return to googling things like ‘where is the context menu’? and ‘how do I adjust the rotating camera from hell’
Log out immediately (actually it takes 30 seconds) and have a drink or three!

Now what do the kids say these days, I have the RECEIPTS for all of it just so you get the idea –

Now I feel like I earned an instant level 20 just for getting through that whole brain-melting ordeal! I don’t know how but they managed to make menu navigation even more tedious and confusing over the years. From the first look at ingame, not much has changed in the UI department either. It’s just silly that you require things like arrow buttons and (‘) to navigate the most basic stuff. They had 22 years to optimize the game for PC and there’s still an active enough player base to release regular content updates.

I have no idea whether this bodes well for what’s to come. Maybe it turns out to be true that you can progress reasonably well solo in FFXI today – or maybe this undertaking was one massive mistake. Time will tell, although I’m not willing to allow for too much of it. If I get killed by a worm or sheep right outside the city gates, again, I may decide that life is too short to give Vana’diel a second shot after all!

Remembering World of Warcraft

The other day the Wayback machine took me back to my first ever blog that was hosted on blogspot. It was the early 2000s and I was an English literature student at the University of Bern. I had only just moved close to campus and inhabited a 6-bedroom flat with four other students whom I had personally managed to recruit so we could afford a place in the Swiss capital. The times were exciting and I am happy I got to live that free spirited campus life that was so full of comings and goings, meeting new people, partying and late nights out. Bern is my place of power to this day for this reason.

With living an independent life also came a new PC I could use for my study work and my first own internet connection. I remember my 56k modem very well – the sound it made when connecting is the stuff of legends. It was also hell because we were five students in the same flat with only one phone line and mobile phones were only just becoming a thing. Kids nowadays have no idea.

Once the phone line situation improved with ISDN, nothing could keep me from exploring the many diversions of the early internet. Online gaming soon followed with my first foray into FFXI. I tried Everquest for a short while too but the graphics felt incredibly dated, so I stuck with FFXI until WoW came around. Courtesy of the Wayback machine, I managed to find the first screenshot I ever posted on World of Warcraft:

The US beta, for which I was lucky enough to obtain a key, had just concluded. I was completely in love with the priest class and Elwynn Forest and couldn’t wait for the official EU launch in February of 2005. As I look at the old screenshot entry I am somewhat puzzled at the date stamp for the post; the US beta I joined was in fall of 2004 so something must have gotten mixed up in the blog’s archive. Anyhoo!

Twenty years later

World of Warcraft is celebrating its 20th birthday this year and many bloggers like Shintar are paying tribute to their time in Azeroth. Between 2005 and 2011 much of my free time was consumed by WoW. I was living and breathing the guild life with the two raid guilds I became part of and co-founded with buddies. I came to learn just how real and profound a digital life could be, how strong the friendships and how dear the shared moments and victories. For quite a while this made us weirdos and nolifers in others eyes; what on earth were we doing wasting entire days per week playing an online avatar? How were these strangers we hopped on Teamspeak with every night so important to us – in some instances more important even than “the real people out there”? You have to experience it. I don’t think there’s ways to explain MMORPG communities to people who don’t play. Luckily in 2024 you don’t have to do nearly as much explaining as we did back then. Or maybe you do and I’m just no longer aware of it.

After besting Arthas 25 with my guild Adrenaline

I left WoW at the beginning of Cataclysm. Like so many it broke our raid guild which already had had to deal with reducing from 40mans to 25mans in the past. I was burnt out and so was our GM who had founded the guild with me at the cusp of The Burning Crusade. We had bested the majority of raid content from there with our fairly casual guild. We had seen Adrenaline succeed all the way to Arthas 25 and spent the better part of our twenties updating DKP lists, recruiting members and running forums. Then finally we were spent.

Over the years I came back twice if memory serves, once at the beginning of Warlords of Draenor and shortly during Shadowlands. I sort of regret both attempts to rekindle my relationship with WoW. Too palpable and heart wrenching was the absence of old guildmates, too heinous the changes Blizzard had wrought over the years. I could not revive the corpse I had buried in Elwynn Forest when I left in 2011.

Me on Nether Drake at Adrenaline’s 1st Sartharion 3D kill

I treasure every memory from WoW’s heyday. I treasure most the fun times spent in the company of friends, some of whom I also came to know in real life and am still in contact with today. I will never forget the laughs we had online, the magic of working together like a well-oiled machine or the banter in my healers chat. I was a decent enough holy priest but I was great at running the steady healers team we fostered over the years, coordinating the healing raid assignments. I loved every minute of it. We had the best of epic times together.

Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It takes you back to a warm place in your life in seconds, only to pull the rug out from under you because you can never go back. I’m glad I kept this blog alive as an archive of my late WoW adventures. Over the years I managed to write a half-decent post every now and then thanks to WoW. The posts that stand out to me now are those that tackled my favorite subjects: exploration, cooperation and that endless quest for immersion. So in honor of the 20 year anniversary, I’m listing some of my old favorites below.

Happy birthday World of Warcraft! For a time you really were formidable.
Now I wonder how much longer the game can last…another 20 years?

Comfort Films

Struggling with a herniated disc for the past month, I have found myself immobilized and cranky during April and in dire need of diversion. The weather has been annoyingly volatile too which is standard April weather in this part of the world. It’s either too hot to wear spring clothes or then it’s snowing. Certainly excuses enough to return to my favorite comfort watches on the screen for when I am feeling moody and tired!

It’s safe to say that the Lord of the Rings movies by Peter Jackson remain my favorite films of all time. Having rewatched the extended versions of the trilogy again last week for the umpteenth time, I feel like they’re the gift that keeps on giving: each time I discover a new detail or line I hadn’t noticed as much before. Or maybe it’s just me focusing on different themes as I get older – great art grows and changes with the observer. The passion and craft that has gone into the 20 year old masterpieces is as impressive as ever. To this day they stand far above the rest.

There’s something uniquely comforting and uplifting about watching the LOTR films. From the moment the magnificent Shire music by Howard Shore starts to play and Gandalf’s cart is arriving in Hobbiton, it’s as if I’m transported back to the past and greeted by a dear old friend. There are only very few movies, books and games that can create that wholesome, almost therapeutic effect for me. Here is a familiar place under the sun where I can relax and recharge for a little while. The stories and characters of Middle-Earth are like immortal companions and the world like a warm blanket to wrap myself in.

I wonder if we’ll ever see another production of LOTR’s calibre but I doubt it. The movie industry has changed too much and failures like Amazon’s dreadful Rings of Power only serve to drive the point home. Apparently there’s an animated movie coming out by the end of this year called War of the Rohirrim, co-produced by some of Peter Jackson’s old crew, but I’m not holding my breath for anything.

(P.S. Just after posting this today, I learned of the passing of the great Bernard Hill this May 5th. He was a wonderful actor and among my favorite characters in the films. Rest in Peace, Théoden King!)

Screenshot Longings

One of the safest ways to make me miss an MMORPG and make me want to jump back in, is when I see beautiful screenshots by active players. I love taking screenshots myself and browsing through old albums makes me feel very much like looking back on events that have happened in real life. I think that’s when games are at their most powerful: when you live the in-game experience and are fully immersed in the environment. The same is true when you get fully engaged in guilds and other social groups of course, although the single-player experience still has a lot to offer in MMOs that allow you to go solo.

Coming across a new twitter account by fledgling LOTRO player Burcwyn, I was reminded of the power of screenshots this weekend. Burcwyn has a great eye for capturing atmosphere and story, and LOTRO remaining my favorite MMO that I’m not playing, his screenshots sent a pang of nostalgia for Middle Earth through my system. I have written before on the magic of this particular game so it’s wonderful watching new players discover it for the first time. I hope he keeps up his Flickr gallery in the coming weeks and months!

While I’m still playing FFXIV and am woefully behind my own screenshot documentation there, I have been thinking of returning to LOTRO myself lately. It so happens that I was even gifted a co-workers lifetime account a year ago but have never found the willpower to start over with a new character on there. It was bad enough leveling my Loremaster past Moria the first time, I really don’t think I can start from scratch. The much bigger issue I have however is that nobody I know is really playing LOTRO regularly anymore.

The game is so many expansions ahead of me that it’s really overwhelming and I’ve never warmed to the slow, static combat. The only thing that would get me to play again would be a steady, committed group of another 2-3 like-minded players which can keep the same playtimes as me and remain serious about it. Which is essentially why I’m not playing LOTRO and never will be playing it for more than a split-second maybe, which I would likely spend in the Prancing Pony playing my lute.

It is what it is. Nobody I know of keeps up regular MMORPG commitments anymore, let alone appointment gaming. Some groups start off with enthusiasm and dwindle away within a fortnight. They fall apart because of playstyle differences and different advancement speeds, or whenever another title happens to release an expansion that needs to be played desperately. MMORPGs are at best a regular vacation resort for those of us who still love them. We return every now and then but it’s rare that somebody we used to meet is vacationing there at the same time.

Alas, the screenshots and memories persist. Middle Earth remains beautiful and whoever gets to dip into its magic for the very first time is in for a treat. Enjoy it while it lasts, I say.

WoW Classic: Are you yearning for the good old, bad days?

As revealed during this year’s Blizzcon, WoW Classic is coming summer 2019 and will be part of the regular WoW subscription, with no additional costs to subscribers. An exclusive Blizzcon demo of the game has been released in which players get to either quest in the Barrens or Westfall as a level 15 character, for a limited amount of time. Having followed discussions on the demo and supposed leaked screenshots on youtube and twitter, it really appears Blizzard are going for that mostly unaltered vanilla experience. All the while we must ask ourselves if we are truly ready to return to 2004.

Kotaku published a very amusing first impressions post on Classic WoW, aptly titled “The WoW Classic Demo Is The Hell We Asked For“. Already the first paragraph had me laughing and cringing because so much about vanilla WoW is tortured nostalgia to the veteran player, an emotional struggle between yearning for our early days and knowing better. Really, I know I know better – but I also know that there is an undeniable, irrational pull towards Classic WoW. Lord, save me from myself!

I once wrote a rather detailed account on the struggle that was vanilla WoW raiding. I wrote it for myself more than anyone, lest I forget how brutal and time-consuming it truly was. We tend to forget these things, we forget how there wasn’t a guild bank or a keyring or dual specs. The list is endless.

As an MMORPG player with limited amounts of time these days, I am mostly over the grim satisfaction mindset. The virtue of suffering that was a badge of pride in oldschool games, holds no fascination for me. Look, I have done it all, had it all, what could I possibly gain from WoW Classic?

WoW Classic: Are you yearning for the good old, bad days?

Old Westfall with buddies.

But then I also remember why I cannot stomach WoW today and suddenly the notion of an Azeroth without achievements, dps meter min-maxmania and flying mounts sounds very appealing! I would probably hate the graphics but Blizzard are letting players opt-in the new character models, at least (which I think is a wise choice). I can see myself walking down that road from Northshire Abbey once again. I can see myself stop at the Lion’s Pride Inn, wondering if I should go kill Hogger next or murder murlocs at Eastvale Logging Camp while looking for that dead soldier. I’d like to see Stormwind as it once was, a smaller city without harbor. I’d like to hitch a ride on the Deeprun Tram because it’s still faster than flying to Ironforge.

And then, arriving at Ironforge I would undoubtedly make for the auction house which is where it would hit me full force: there is no guild I belong to, no guild spot where we used to hang out, no familiar guild tag hovering under my character’s name. My friends are all gone and there is no Syl, the holy priest, without them.

So I’m thinking if I was to return to Classic WoW, I would probably have to roll a vastly different character with a different name, indeed maybe this would be the time to roll horde. In any case, that’s a big “if”!

Monty is very skeptical of all this WoW business!

Off-Topic: The Day Books went away

There used to be a time when all my free moments were filled with reading trilogies, quintets and even septets of books. Whatever great new fantasy series came in sight, I got them. Alternatively, classics and poetry in German and English. On weekends, a book a day wasn’t a rare occasion. I’d get one-volume editions for everything too, monstrous tomes I’d carry around with me to Uni every day while commuting. Two thirds of the space in my student flea bag were taken up by whatever novel I was reading at the time – and don’t even try talking to me in the train or bus compartment!

I needed books, studied books, books were all around me. While I was living off cornflakes and instant noodles, I spent whatever money I had left after rent and food on collector’s editions and illustrated novels. I was (and am) cheap about almost every other expense in my life but never literature. There is inherent value in words put down for eternity.

I have barely read 10 books this entire year of 2015, I can’t even remember. Half of them must’ve been short story collections, too. The year before was even worse than that. I blame game-related activities such as blogging, podcasting and twitter taking over the past decade, yet it’s not like I am not also keeping up with other media like TV shows. And so I marvel – what ever has happened to me and books? My evergreens and favourites are still neatly arranged on many a shelf on my walls, so why is it so hard for new series to pique my interest? Why do I feel so burnt out and more of the same?

It’s like books take too much effort now, starting with how to pick one. Have I become one of those instant gratification kids that don’t have the attention span for literature anymore and only consume visual or narrated media?? What a dreadful thought!

Lovely wonderful books, I miss you…. 🙁

Now not so never-ending…

P.S. Yes, two off-topic posts in a row! I must be outgrowing game blogging now too! *panic*

[FFXIV] A special Heavensward Tribute

I am in love with Eorzea; the snowy lands beyond Coerthas, the forests of the Black Shroud, the windmills of La Noscea. The sense of scale and immersion created in the zones of FFXIV are only matched by LOTRO. And some of them are unrivaled entirely. I didn’t expect to ever find a “go-to MMO” again after WoW, a game that I will log on to after an exhausting day just to unwind and find comfort in its world. FFXIV is that for me.

My journey through Heavensward has been rather wonderful up to this point, both in terms of traveling around as well as following the engaging storyline. I have taken around 900 screenshots of this expansion alone. There are so many favorites that I decided just picking a few and uploading them somewhere won’t do – this time, I’ll showcase them a little differently than usual.

Slideshow clips aren’t my favorite thing on youtube but in this case I felt it was a perfect way of arranging and uploading quite a lot of screenshots that are also tied together storywise and for the most part, in chronological order from lvl 50-60. For those who aren’t playing FFXIV or haven’t been to Heavensward just yet, my tribute will be less meaningful than for me maybe and other HW players. I get incredibly sentimental watching clips like this but I hope it can serve as a worthy teaser too for someone who’s never been to Eorzea, showing them a few of the most wonderful moments and sceneries to be encountered in this MMO. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW-4V-8xmDM

P.S. Yes, I like my dragons, what can I say!

Down Memory Lane Blogging Bonanza! My Bestest Posts

Blaugust is over and I am already blogging again – what is this madness??

One of my prompts I didn’t get back to in August was a sort of memory lane thing where I’d browse my own blog for my top 3 to 5 favorite articles of all time. Seeing how more bloggers have done similar lately and also Murf telling me about his blogging bonanza for MMOgames, I thought this could be a fun if not entirely easy thing to do.

What are top posts anyway? Are they our personal favorites or our most popular posts? The ones with the most hits or the most comments? I guess that depends on who you are as a blogger. For me, my best posts are those that stand the test of time and where I feel I was being particularly insightful or well-spoken. I can already tell you that my most-ever visited post on both mmogypsy.com and raging-monkeys.blogspot.com (for those who don’t know my former url) was this guide on Skyrim clothing. Yes really, over 161’000 hits on a guide with some pictures that no one else had uploaded at the time (and which are now offline due to me losing the old webspace). That’s a third of my all time hits on the old blog. It took two major tumblr and pinterest re-blogs to spiral matters out of control.

See, this is why I really don’t give a big toss about stats – they are completely out of order. If you ever posted a guide on anything particularly popular, such as WoW or other bigger titles, you’ll understand. Stats have no meaning toward my enjoyment in writing and not even toward more sought-after things like content quality or popularity (not a personal one anyway). I enjoy interactions and great discussions, not even just the number of comments but the quality; my most ever commented on post was one ravaged by a troll. Who wants that?

Anywho, without further ado I present to you some of my alltime favorite posts from the last 5 years on this here blog in no particular order, chosen because they still stir something inside of me, make me care and resonated with others too. Maybe also, because I feel they represent me most as a person, blogger and MMO player.

1) Holding on to your Escapism

“When less informed people talk about game-related escapism (for that still seems to be less established than the literary form), they only ever focus on the escape; the negative distancing, the social estrangement. Hardly ever do they understand that when we do, when we need to, we escape to a better place – maybe to the only, currently right place in our life. That it’s only there where we find shelter, safety and peace of mind. For a little while. And that it may save us from something. That it gives us hope.”

2) The Deathbed Fallacy. Or: Spare me your Gamer’s Remorse, Thank you!

“….but spare me and the rest of the happily ever after gaming crowd. Spare me the underachiever complex and lamentation of failed grandeur which you so graciously bestow on everyone around you in one sweeping, condescending blow of rotten hindsight wisdom. I think videogames are fucking great – they have been for the past 28 years of my life!”

3) What the Players want – Who can say?

“”What the players wanted” and any variation thereof is a commonly used phrase and reaction to MMO design, more often MMO design changes, that vexes me on a personal level. And oh, I have done it myself: how many times did I not do the “now reap what you sowed! (and I hope you suffocate on it)” fist-shake in gloomy retrospective whenever WoW changed for the worse over the years since 2004, in my very personal opinion? In a less considerate moment I’d love to blame all of you out there who are still playing for the state of the game. You ruined WoW for me or something.”

4) Achievement Hate, Exploration and Mystery

“The epic quest of kill ten rats has humble beginnings. Once upon a time the explorers of virtual worlds received hardly a hint of where to go or what to do but such are not the times we live in. Those who embarked on this journey before Blizzard’s time will remember that era of glorious uncertainty but early WoW players too, know how considerably the questing experience has changed over the course of a decade. The “kill ten rats” of yore and the “kill ten rats” of today have precious little in common.”

5) Placeholders for Real Things, Shortcuts to Nowhere

“Many good things in life, surprises and chance encounters happen while we’re not on plan, not on time. They happen while we’re waiting. They happen on the side of a winding road. They happen because we got distracted and our eyes weren’t fixed on one point in the distance. Maybe “timesinks” are where life really happens.

If we remove all the “unnecessary detours” in games that people consider a nuisance, what exactly are we “saving and optimizing ” that time for? When you arrive faster at treasure and glory, where do you go from there? And just how much have you missed on that shorter journey?”

(P.S. I suck at title capitalization.)

Lamenting Cover Art [#Blaugust 27]

Coming across an amazing Castlevania cover the other day on twitter, it hit me how much I miss the old game covers for videogames. I remember how we revered those boxes of nes and snes titles in the early days – how bold and colorful and over-the-top epic many of them were!

What happened? Okay, for one we entered the digital age of gaming. I admit I don’t miss the dust settling on rows of physical game copies. Still, I appreciate great concept art for games, posters, teasers, thumbnails in my Steam gallery. There’s no reason why digital gaming should go coverless, is there? Elaborate covers are a chance to tell a story within mere seconds. Like a main theme, they can sell a promise and herald things to come. They are someone’s vision of what the game should be, could be. They are distilled like poetry.

Do not even attempt to compare this to WoW cover art.

But who has time for poetry these days?

My Favorite MMO that I’m not playing (#Blaugust 5)

This post is the first in a two-part series for Blaugust 2015. Check out tomorrow’s sequel on “MMOs we don’t like but never played”!

The trouble with MMORPGs is that player engagement tends to be mutually exclusive of other titles. Many of us cannot or do not want to invest in more than one MMO longterm nor do we wish to pay for several subscriptions simultaneously. I have found a mixture of one sub-MMO and one b2p/f2p-MMO to be quite enjoyable in the past, especially when two titles really complement each other well but truthfully, I still long to immerse myself as much as possible into that one game.

That also means sooner or later, we have to leave some MMOs behind and they’re not always games we disliked or got bored of. Sometimes our timing just wasn’t right and we were late to the party. Sometimes we miss the community from other MMOs or we just can’t put up with a single but essential aspect, such as the graphics.

Gone but never forgotten.

My absolute favorite MMORPG that I am not playing anymore is LOTRO. In fact, I would go as far as naming LOTRO among my top 5 MMOs of all time. Possibly even top 3. I came late to LOTRO in 2013, joining the inofficial EU RP server Laurelin. I stuck to it for about 6 months, joined a fellowship, did all the content up to Moria and the dreaded mid-40ies EXP grind. The world blew my mind and remains one of my favorite virtual places to this day. For all its flaws and oldschoolness, LOTRO excels in immersion, world building/feeling and travel, one of the most precious and precarious things to capture in MMOs.

I’ve written about the music and sound effects as part of this accomplishment as well as the significance of scale or realistic armor design. It’s the subtle things that create immersion in MMOs. Other than that, Middle-Earth is just one heck of a beautiful place to visit and enjoy the turning of the seasons (between zones) and the fading light at dusk.

In the end I felt lonely; after leaving my longtime WoW community, I was unable to reconnect with people in my subsequent MMO attempts. LOTRO is not the most beginner-friendly game either. Soon I was overwhelmed by different types of grind while also really disliking the slow, stationary combat.

But I will never forget my time playing and listening to music in the Prancing Pony, the claustrophobia of the Old Forest before finding Tom Bombadil or the sound of my horse’s clippity clop over Bree’s merry cobblestrone streets. Some moments in MMOs are forever, no matter if we stick with a game or not.