Priests, the great manipulators

[Alternative title: The truth about why people choose to play a priest in WoW]

“May be that you are a tank in WoW, mighty shield-bearer and wrestler of foes. May be that you play a melee class, trained to duel and trick the enemy in close combat. Might be that you command the will of fire and frost to drive the crowds before you, or that you chant dark rituals under a waxing moon. Or you might be a healer, drawing upon the blessing of the light, bestowing nature’s greatest gift on those in dire need.

But you are naught compared to me. 
I am the all-powerful Priest!
The special powers I was given surpass my greatest talents, my healing’s warm embrace and my worst shadow’s doom. I am not one of you – I am the bender, the pretender. All things tremble under my will!

You cannot hide from me.
No matter where you are, I’ll find you.
No matter where you run, I’ll follow. My /target reaches wide and far.
If you slack during a corpserun, I’ll see it. If you get lost on your way back, I’ll guide you.
If you think you can disappear with that flag, you think wrong.
I AM WATCHING YOU!
And there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, not much anyway.
[/cast Mindvision]

Resistance is futile.
If I catch you off guard, I’ll intrude your body and mind.
I’ll take your strengths and abilities and I will use them against you.
I’ll turn you on your allies while you’re watching, I’ll play you like a puppet on a string.
Nobody breaks your defenses down like I do.
Nobody steals your agency and power so completely.
YOU ARE MINE!
[/cast Mind Control]

You cannot escape me.
If you run away, I’ll command you back to me.
If you linger for too long, I’ll make you move.
Just like the Deathknight grabs his foe, I’ll grab my ally.
I might catch you before you fall – I might turn on you.
I might save you from burning – I might let you burn.
IF HERE IS WHERE I WANT YOU, HERE YOU SHALL BE!”
[/cast Leap of Faith]

[/open parenthesis]
Priests in World of Warcraft are second to none when it comes to tools of manipulation or heteronomy. A tank might stun his target, a rogue might sap it for a while, a mage might sheep, a druid might root – just like a priest can shackle or fear or chastize. CCs are very limited in WoW, easily countered and not further controllable by those employing them.
A hunter might use Farsight just like a warlock has Eye of Kilrogg, but none of these spells impose on another player in the same way Mindvision can serve priests as a spying tool.

Is…this…reality?

Nobody breaks so literally into another player’s privacy like priests, to the point where their very own avatar is no longer theirs to command. The few times I have been MCed in battlegrounds, I’ve felt immensely annoyed and bewildered; it almost feels like a violation when some stranger takes over you character, controls it and presses buttons on your spellbar. It’s not a program doing this, it’s not an NPC as part of a quest: you’re being controlled by another player. There is a real, breathing person somewhere out there sat at his PC, commanding or monitoring my character – WHO ARE YOU? 
[/close parenthesis]

“I am your big brother, I’m watching you.
I am the possesser, I’m turning you.
I am the commander, I’m catching you when I please.”

I am a Priest – the great manipulator.
[God I love priests!]

5 comments

  1. Hi. I have a hat that can do what you do. How does it feel that you can be replaced by a gnome invention? Not only did they literally take your jobs as priests, they also made a machine to do it too. Does that make you feel inferior? It should.

  2. @Issy
    You should be fine though, fellow priests got nothing to fear (and I know you’re doing alts…erm, I mean, I know you got alts a-plenty, but you’re really just trying to prove how much greater priests are than the rest that way, right!!). =D

    @Kleps

    I don’t believe you. Also: there are no gnome priests. we do not acknowledge the existence of any such freak of nature, nono.

  3. “I know you got alts a-plenty, but you’re really just trying to prove how much greater priests are than the rest that way, right!!). =D”

    *Nods frantically*
    It’s funny you should say that actually, my latest favorite alt is my Tam-inspired smite spec disc priest :)

  4. Just discovered the raging monkey blogs,and have read all I could find.Imagine my shock and disillusion to find that the posters were aliance players!!They have all been witty,intelligent,and well written.Keep up the good work!But not to worry,I won’t demystify your existance to the others of my “Ilk”.”Give a man a fish,and he will eat for a day.Teach a man how to fish for himself,and he will eat for the rest of his days”!

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